dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
