How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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