Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
