Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
