i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
