sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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