You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
