i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
