Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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