My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
