My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
