We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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