That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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