I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
