She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
