We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
