OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
