some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
