I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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