I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
