A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Operation Purity has been aborted
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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