honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
North Korea, Best Korea!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
