you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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