i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
