Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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