mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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