I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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