remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
