rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
