doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
