We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
