i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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