Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
