That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
