Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
