yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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