I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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