this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
