JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
