Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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