Just fell off a train. Bad.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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