hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
