I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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