whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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