LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
