Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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