you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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