You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Less talking, more tequila
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
