Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is Oprah even human
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
