she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
