Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
