If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
